CHAPTER 2: WHY NOT A DISCOURSE ON COURTESY?

Now, before I continue, I have to put on record that this blog was  not intended to be funny.  No, definitely not.   On the contrary, it is a very serious review of  a very serious situation – the sorry state of affair where we have a whole generation of discourteous Singaporeans who have the ability to make even the hardcore discourteous wince. My MM included. And  IT IS NOT FUNNY! Okay?

Since it was CB who planted the idea for this blog, I gave him the privilege of a sneak preview of my draft articles. That is courtesy. I am so proud of myself. But that ungrateful CCB the Danielle didn’t comment on anything except the  title  “Courtesy No Enough - A Discourse on Discourtesy”.  He  shouted at  me for choosing a title that put Singapore in a bad light. And that was how I decided on this title. I have learnt, through the years, that anything CCB objects to should be adopted  wholesale.

We are a country known for being  “kiasu”.  We  claim credit for the popular use of  this word which now boasts an  appearance in Wikipedia! We have this innate  “fear of  losing”. We want to win all the time. So they say we are discourteous, right?  Let’s show them how discourteous we can be. There is nothing to be ashamed of; let’s teach them a thing or two about discourtesy.

So, encouraged by CB’s negative response to the proposed title of this blog, I started dreaming of my  writing a whole series of blogs, designed to make Singaporeans think, take sides and stoop the unnecessary pain on their behind for sitting too long on the fence, with similarly fanciful titles like:-

Wife No Enough – A Discourse On The Benefits Of Bigamy

I have always dreamed of women chasing after me in droves and this one will do the trick. Not in my preferred manner though – they will chase after me in droves alright, but armed to the teeth with weapons of various shapes and sizes but mostly  brooms and rolling pins, thirsting after my blood, with some using their brooms for transportation purposes! I could even picture one of  them  waving a proctologist’s favorite tool at me  which  immediately sent a chill down my spine. Idea scrapped.

Babies No Enough – A Discourse On The Need For A Baby Boom

This one will have the government  showering  accolades on yours truly and maybe throw a  National Day Award in my direction for promoting the government's "Go Forth & Multiply" program! This may be my last and only chance to add some alphabets after my name! Finally I have a chance to be a man of letters. Any letters except CCB, of course.

 Mother-In-Law No Enough – A Discourse On The Hazards Of Bigamy.

I am speechless! Whatever possessed me to come up something like this? One mother-in-law is already one too many! I MUST BE OUT OF MY MIND! Idea scrapped.

So I therefore remain in seclusion as penance for my wild thoughts. Mother-in-law no enough? You want me to die izzit?

So, as I was saying, even the hardcore discourteous could wince and blush if they were to witness some of the antics of their fellow Singaporeans. But blushing is not all bad. Blushing together as a community helps make our Little Red Dot a shade redder. Kiasuism is, after all, the mother of opportunity! As the Little Red Dot grows redder, the world will become more aware of our existence. And that’s good for business. It will probably fuel a growth in tourism with more plane loads of tourists converging on our little island, boosting our economy! They want to know more about the discourteous Singaporeans, how we rush into lifts and trains, how we hog roads and escalators, how we follow ambulances on the road so that we can  beat the traffic jam. And how we pretend to be asleep on a seat reserved for the old (that's me), the weak (that's me), the sick (that's me) and the pregnant (no, no, that's not me!) The list of discourtesies is probably longer than the length of the MRT train, and specifically includes how we “chope” (Singlish for "reserve" I think) seats at food courts with tissue papers and how we have become adept at pretending not to notice when someone in front of us drop a pile of documents.  Yes, this thing called “discourtesy” is certainly good for business. The Integrated Resorts which, I believe, is Singlish for casinos, could take some learning from this too – with discourteous croupiers shouting “Hey, big mouth, no more bets!” And this very discourtesy could end up with either the gamblers losing their shirts or the croupiers losing their jobs. 

Actually  I am the least qualified person to write about discourtesy. Really! You see, I was brought up to be very, very courteous.  It was ingrained in me from  the time when I was started to utter my first word. I was taught to greet and smile at just about everyone whenever we bump into each other.  I was told that my flying kiss, when I was two, was something to kill for in the neighborhood. Remembering this, I once gave a flying kiss to a sweet young thing of 16 when I was 18. And was promptly rewarded with a flying kick  - courtesy of her boyfriend, twice my weight, one and a half times my height. Sigh. Yes, I would smile at every Tom, Dick and Harry. I would ask them “Eat already or not?” because that is  a good conversation starter. Don’t care if it is way past dinner. There is always supper to talk about. You stop to make small talk. You ask after their family and gossip sometimes but it is all in good fun. If I were to bump into a neighborhood uncle  at the food court, my first instinct would be to say “Uncle, eat slow slow” which is Singlish for “Enjoy your food!” If I were to bump into someone I know at the market, I would immediately say the obvious “Auntie, buy vegetables ah?” which is Singlish for…oh, never mind!

But no, we don’t do that nowadays. We walk around not acknowledging our neighbors. We wear scowls on our faces. We avoid eye contacts most of the time just so we will not be drawn into an unnecessary conversation. We are always in a hurry. My mother-in-law,  whenever she bumps into a scowling neighbor, which is most of the time,  or one who avoids her attempts to start a conversation, which is all the time, would come home shouting  “Her mother must be dying soon, her face so black. And rushing so fast as if she was late for her reincarnation! "  Oh, you wicked woman, thou art late for thou reincarnation too!