CHAPTER 10: DISCOURTESY ON THE MRT (PART 3 & REALLY FINAL PART)
Okay, let us end this
journey today, if it is the last thing I ever do. SMRT is still trying to nail me somehow for
my constant grumblings about the rumblings on their trains.
So there I was,
enjoying my seat, courtesy of the young man who stood up for Singapore, and no
thanks to the young man whose heart I couldn’t touch.
And I was nodding off
when another young man just a few seats from me suddenly
stood up and said in the most pleasant way possible “Madam, you can have my
seat.” So I was expecting madam to give the neighborhood an uplift but instead
she started ranting loudly in her already very loud voice “You think I am
pregnant izzit? Or maybe you think I am old? How dare you!! Your parents never
teach you to respect other people izzit? No bloody manners!” And with that, she
folded her arms, pointed her flat nose skywards – like a spoiled child.
I was shocked. Everyone
was shocked. And the whole of Singapore would have been shocked too if the YouTubers
were doing their job! The young man’s face turned crimson. He mumbled “Sorry,
sorry” and as soon as the train stopped, he scooted. That is one young man who
will not stand up for Singapore again. As least not on the MRT.
And therein lies another
problem with Singaporeans – not knowing how to accept kindness and courtesy in
a graceful manner.
And she shocked us
again for as soon as the embarrassed young man scooted, she took the seat, sat
down on her ample bottom and I was nudged at least an inch and a half into my
corner. And that was from three seats away! She then dramatically produced
her mobile, crossed her legs and I made
an equally dramatic effort to get up from my seat, and hobbled with my nose up
in the air for a neighborhood with more
class. And so did three others seated in the same row, bless their hearts. The intended message was, however, not
conveyed. The seats were snapped up by other passengers who were waiting for
such opportunities like vultures. Sigh.
I always plan ahead. And this time, my plan was to claim joint-ownership of
a grab pole currently “grabbed” only by one young lady. Ample space for holding
on for dear life beckons. But
unfortunately, she was not grabbing the pole, she was wrapped around it.
Really! But it was intended to safeguard the dignity of at least 6 passengers
if the train driver braked suddenly. So
I tapped her gently on the back (gently because I am a gentleman; on her back
and not on her shoulders because I, ahem, well, I couldn’t reach her shoulders)
and she turned back with such speed and agility, and snapped at me with such
venom I thought my MM had possessed her body! “What do you want!”
“I want to grab you…I
mean grab your…your…” She screamed back,
loudly for the benefit of all and sundry, at the same time covering her you
know what with both her hands “UNCLE, YOU WANT TO GRAB MY WHAT? YOU ARE SICK OR
WHAT? “
It was my turn to
turn crimson. The whole world was looking at me. I could have single-handedly made our Little Red Dot a shade
redder. Instead, I made a weak attempt to explain
I meant I wanted to share the grab pole, that all I wanted was a chance to grab
something to keep myself from falling, blah blah blah but Miss Pole Dancer
started screaming again “UNCLE, HOW COULD YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT! YOU LOOK
OLD AND SICKLY AND TRY TO GET PITY IZZIT. BUT YOU ARE ACTUALLY A DIRTY OLD MAN!”
Well, I tell you
what, ladies and gentlemen. I promised you I will end this longest short trip
on the MRT and the opportunist in me decided to end it prematurely, three stops
from Ang Mo Kio.
Next time, I will
tell you about discourtesy on the bus. It is safer – I think. But don’t expect
it anytime soon. Was diagnosed with a rare kind of eye infection. Under doctor’s
orders to wear shades around the clock!
And I take back what
I said about YouTubers not doing their job well. YOU ARE DOING YOUR JOBS TOO
DAMN WELL BUT ONLY WHEN YOU SHOULDN'T BE! IF I AM RECOGNIZED.....!
