CHAPTER 10: DISCOURTESY ON THE MRT (PART 3 & REALLY FINAL PART)

Okay, let us end this journey today, if it is the last thing I ever do.  SMRT is still trying to nail me somehow for my constant grumblings about the rumblings on their trains.

So there I was, enjoying my seat, courtesy of the young man who stood up for Singapore, and no thanks to the young man whose heart I couldn’t touch.

And I was nodding off when another young man just a few seats from me suddenly stood up and said in the most pleasant way possible “Madam, you can have my seat.” So I was expecting madam to give the neighborhood an uplift but instead she started ranting loudly in her already very loud voice “You think I am pregnant izzit? Or maybe you think I am old? How dare you!! Your parents never teach you to respect other people izzit? No bloody manners!” And with that, she folded her arms, pointed her flat nose skywards – like a spoiled child.

I was shocked. Everyone was shocked. And the whole of Singapore would have been shocked too if the YouTubers were doing their job! The young man’s face turned crimson. He mumbled “Sorry, sorry” and as soon as the train stopped, he scooted. That is one young man who will not stand up for Singapore again. As least not on the MRT.

And therein lies another problem with Singaporeans – not knowing how to accept kindness and courtesy in a graceful manner.

And she shocked us again for as soon as the embarrassed young man scooted, she took the seat, sat down on her ample bottom and I was nudged at least an inch and a half into my corner. And that was from three seats away! She  then dramatically produced her mobile, crossed her legs  and I made an equally dramatic effort to get up from my seat, and hobbled with my nose up in the air  for a neighborhood with more class. And so did three others seated in the same row, bless their hearts.  The intended message was, however, not conveyed. The seats were snapped up by other passengers who were waiting for such opportunities like vultures. Sigh.

I always  plan ahead. And this  time, my plan was to claim joint-ownership of a grab pole currently “grabbed” only by one young lady. Ample space for holding on for dear  life beckons. But unfortunately, she was not grabbing the pole, she was wrapped around it. Really! But it was intended to safeguard the dignity of at least 6 passengers if the train driver braked suddenly.  So I tapped her gently on the back (gently because I am a gentleman; on her back and not on her shoulders because I, ahem, well, I couldn’t reach her shoulders) and she turned back with such speed and agility, and snapped at me with such venom I thought my MM had possessed her body! “What do you want!”

“I want to grab you…I mean grab  your…your…” She screamed back, loudly for the benefit of all and sundry, at the same time covering her you know what with both her hands “UNCLE, YOU WANT TO GRAB MY WHAT? YOU ARE SICK OR WHAT? “

It was my turn to turn crimson. The whole world was looking at me. I could have single-handedly made our Little Red Dot a shade redder. Instead, I made a weak attempt  to explain I meant I wanted to share the grab pole, that all I wanted was a chance to grab something to keep myself from falling, blah blah blah but Miss Pole Dancer started screaming again “UNCLE, HOW COULD YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT! YOU LOOK OLD AND SICKLY AND TRY TO GET PITY IZZIT. BUT YOU ARE ACTUALLY A DIRTY OLD MAN!”

Well, I tell you what, ladies and gentlemen. I promised you I will end this longest short trip on the MRT and the opportunist in me decided to end it prematurely, three stops from Ang Mo Kio.

Next time, I will tell you about discourtesy on the bus. It is safer – I think. But don’t expect it anytime soon. Was diagnosed with a rare kind of eye infection. Under doctor’s orders to wear shades around the clock!

And I take back what I said about YouTubers not doing their job well. YOU ARE DOING YOUR JOBS TOO DAMN WELL BUT ONLY WHEN  YOU SHOULDN'T BE! IF I AM RECOGNIZED.....!